after "THE LONG BREAK"

I wasn't able to write here because afteer october 15 I went to the province where internet is still an alien. But before I went home,I attended my friends get together picnic in meimei's rest house in lilo-an and it was really fun. And the only thing i did in the province was to eat popcorn in front of the tv screen. Hmmm... my stomach is full of air up until now. hehehhe......i saw AChi during the break but as usual I always broke my promise to visit her in her house. I was so sad. But then sem break came to an end and I went back to the city saturday before the class starts. But as usual first days always means, go to school meet your classmates but go to ayala afterwards. And so the next day, I went to my peer facilitators training for 3 days in USC retreat house. Now let me tell you about it. I never expected the place to be so nice and so very at home. It reminded me of my house in the province.I met new friends and all of them were so fun to be with. i think the event pave the way for us to get to know each other better and be more understanding and explore the world unknown to us. I really miss them already. Like Cam who is so cute and talented, Warwin who is so kalog, greg who never loses words of wisdom and stories to tell, jed with his brainteasers in partnership with his bestfriend kakai (maski d cla admit), Twinkle with her 100 dreams, cindy and her mommy figure to all of us esp. to me, Ans and his ki-at2x and his laugh, jen and her bloopers, ella the beauty, anne my bedmateand slippersmate, erma and our karelate thing, with all the guidance councilors who trained us to help others.once a pf, always a pf. I realized a lot of things in just 2 nights and 3 days. And meeting these people is enough reason for me to be thankful. I just got back last night but even though i was so tired i still read kakai's book "deception point" by dan brown and bai, sobra katsada.....the last afternoon in the retreat house was spent with the wise pfs. Lingaw. In fairness, My glasses was broken during the game. but i had fun. I met the old pfs and they are so cool. we ended up writing messages for each other and to tell you the truth, i had a hard time looking for the right words to give to them because What we had was beyond my expectations. One thing i wish right now is to have these people in my life forever.
pasensya nag-emo ko karon. I can't wait the next harry potterrrr movie ever! till next time.

I am BAck!!!

So long. Thanks joseph for the comments. bwahahaha...I am BAck! I am actually so busy.why? because my sister-in-law gave birth to a healthy baby boy which by the way they named as "ervin john paul"... yahyahyah blame it to my bro who is obsessed with his name. He was born at about 12:56 in the afternoon last saturday and yes i am so happy. But they actually put me incharge to run and run as in from ayala to sm to buy baby stuff and so on. my life kiss my ass...btaw, im tired na gyud. i have this self hatred right now. i dont know but i have this cold war or something with pia and im beginning to lay low with my friends.. Maybe im just too tired and so self isolated. whatever it is.... this week is actually the intrams week and foundation week so meaning no classes and all... but i still dont like my life period.
Life is a complex story and damn my life is more than complicated its also killing me for being so ******. i dont know the right term. can you provide it for me? yah give me a break... im tired of my childish illusions and self pity. I am so tired. simple as that. small is beside me right this minute and we are going to jump from the rooftop of ayala as in tonight. believe me this is true. she is really my true friend kay iya ko ubanan ug pagpakamatay....... tonight we are going to usc south campus to watch watever our p.e teacher wants us to watch. so for now... goodbye,,,, baboon!!!!! c u in the lagoon!!!!so long farewell, im happy to row the boat sa lagoon sa ayala.....

I need you!

People of the world i am now editing my blog so please leave a comment sad oi....hehehe...
To start my blahblahblah, i tied my hair in a chinese style and they all teased me as a koreanang hilaw.anyway. kalai, pia, joseph, carlo, small (stands for crazy in love with smallville), temtem, Gene, JErens,CAncan, and yours truly went to usc girls high late last night to watch a play entitled "SILANGAN". i thought the play would be pretty boring but it turned out to be so fun,super fun. CArlo, a co member of jaycees was casted and he looks so good in his aeta and maligno costume but hey yo! psych society people JB Mar looked like a dog without a tail in his maligno costume with his tongue the only red in his outfit..Sorry JB.but he really stand out last night because of his spiky hair. hahahha.Goodluck Jb for your next play. I wish i still have the time to join Theater Guild next sem because right now im pretty busy with life already but i really reaaly want to join. Just seeing tohose studenta wearing colorful costumes and performing on stage makes me wanna stand up and join them. over na yon. There were actually lots of bloopers or as the psych lingo amu rana mga taga block B ha..) calls it "googlie" especially sa ila mga costume and actions and especially JB's actions.HE makes us all laugh. Anyway, he's the only psych major there so of course we will notice the only spiky hair with a red tongue. hehehe... Hey, september 2 is the birthday of my mommy renee sa UP. I think she's going to be 18..Yeheey, my mommy 18.ANd oh, i am going to present my monologue this friday already,this is so cool. JB dont be angry with me please...I am just telling the psycho language... Ok im a weirdo but thats me. PIa is sitting beside me right this moment and she keeps telling me not to kill the keyboard. whatever.I have to find ten people for referrals. five people for testing as in ointelligence tast, emo test, interest test,tanang test sa waly world test and i Also needs to find five pipz for counseling.how the hell can i find people who are willing to go to the guidance center for counseling abi nalang buang na gyud sila as in mamatay na sila ila mga problema. by the way, yesterday, as in mga hapon before mi nangadto ayala, kay we had a practice for our entrams dance sa tc as in mga 4-5 pm. Na late mi sa sayaw so we got scolded but the worst thing pa didto dapit si feeler and mr. canteen guy sa among agian and this feeler told me to hurry up ano siya FC? as in feeling close? psych lingo to ahh.and then when the dance was over i went to the table behind our teacher's place in the microphone and then everyone sa among table actually saw spongebob and oh my feeler to the max.... "palabay ka ug buddha beads?", that's for spongebob. psych lingo na sad to ah..

Ang psych lingo is created by psych majors,obviously, block b mga grupo sa mga walay lingaw..hehehe....let me tell you another lingo,,,if you are in a store or in acanteen or in a counter and the sales whatevr doesnt even bother to notice you that means "la kay CHARM!". NAd you happen to have a crush on somebody and keep on following him an is mga stalkers pero dili sad grabe oi we call it "O.C." for official crush not for orange county. And by the way if oy happen to have no boyfriend since birth as in NBSB, welcome to the club known as the V society. And if you are the kind of groups na dili manguli after 5 andto sa steyler magtambay or sa CW as in covered walk, we are inviting you to join "wla'y uliay committee". by the way if nin ana na gyud mu kabaga ug nawong as in dili na masagpa ug mais, barog mu sa male lavatory (for girls only haa..) and pag pee mu didto and one...two...three...camera pic! and show it to everybody..And during MWF, if somebody keeps on making animal sound at the top of your head just look up and tarsier will be there and all ther psychos will be smiling at you... if you hate your teacher so much just put a name tag on his but saying "I am BARNEY". btaw oi, if you relly dont like your teacher and she keeps wearing purple, call her "BArney" or if she is wearing orange "NEMO" or if blue "DORY". and one thing if the teacher is as in mu walk out or dili ka kasabot or FS call her "BIG BIRD" and if the teacher looks like the senator son of ERAP ng peknut call him "JINGGOY ESTRADA". If the teacher's family name sounds like a gay call him "GAYLORD" and if the techer sounds like Miss PHAthuphats sa amu lit " Miss PHAthuphat" is what she is. if a chinese guy smiles as in ahppy BAsta daghan pa kaayu...kapoy type pudpud na ako fangers.
I want my high school friends as in my friends forever to visit me and not forget me and pls. leave sad mo ug commnts oi... mamatay inya si batman ug superman. kamu sad......labs yu! don't let the bed bugs bite you....

Im Happy Yet so Sad..

College life is so fine..Im finally enjoying my life. I've got lots of friends and being a member of school orgs is really helpfull..Anyways, I love my course nah..behbehh...let me clarify this..:if you are something unique with lots of colorful stuff in minds and others may call you weird, cool, beautiful, and you've this sense of baga ug nawong, well,Doh!.. bagay ka sa ako course. i am now a certified member of Junior JAycees and forever member of Peer Facilitators Circle in my school and this sunday i am going to attend kuya Carlos' friends of arnolds. Ok, Im pretty busy right now but im enjoying it.Though, i miss the orientation of CAYm, i will never gonna miss it next sem and by the way, the SC are looking for student volunteers who are committed to the school and im planning to join it,too. I tell you this, LA gyud buhaton ang mga psycho!Dli lagi mi busy with academics maybe our creative minds can work on it as fast as flash.CHAR! Because ofschool orgs i met a lot of friends and blahblah.
pEOPLE IN psYCH ARE FULL OF adhd,schizo,aLZHEIMER, BASTA TANANG SAKIT NAGSAGUL....I love my course.Though sadness never leave me, unfortunately, i still have this misunderstanding with my family. I still dont like them. They keep judging me.The truth is judging a person relly hurts more than you could ever know especially if those arent true. That is why siguro im diverting my overused mind sa other stuff.Like being busy sa schooland all that stuff. i actually come home so late so that when i arrive ill just go directly to my roonm. Sad noh?thats the truth.

By the way, i really have a lot of laugh with my friends Jhen and Tin because they are so ozzing stalkers sa among schoolmate but in fairness he's so gwapo but i bet hhe is so pihican sa mga girls and we think that his course is accounting, so therefore hes got a mind gyud.Jhen and Tin actually call him "steyler guy" because he's always there sa steyler and mostly he's wearing black. but he's too perfectnah...And Small my friend for 5 years now is actually dead over heels with this "canteen guy". HE's not actually gwapo but he's intsik and his friend is so feeler that he thinks xa ang target..grhh...feeler as we call him..(alias lang tanan hah...though we're not sure of there real names).hehe..Funny anfg college noh?Anyway, KAlai who is also part of the gang is crazy in love,sorry kalai..cruch diay oi...with a lot of guys but im not so sure who is on the top list.Is it Psych pro?or spongebob na nafeeler na kron?or tha banda guy na cute in fairness?hoy!libog..We actually have this place we call "the place to be"
sa school and around the school. When we are at the school you can actually see us sa CW sitting watching people and making fun of ourselves and watching for our O.C's and during lunchtime "sunstar the place to be". Crazy ako mga friends noh?murag ako dili. Im enjoying life now and i dont want it to be ruined that is why im keeping my feet on the ground. Is that the right word?

I dont have to be worried about belongingness because wala ma'y mga paki na gmga tao sa amo department. Sadly, Im still the sad girl and dont know what to do daughter and sis to my family. They will never understand my world because im different from all of them, i now realized. They will never understand a person who has a different perception of lif an etcetera. But im still hoping that my family and I will come to good terms. my father is actually in hospitl right now and tomorrow the doctors will cut his eet. Im actually worried but im not going to let it show to everyone because i still got hatred for him .Stop the kaoahan now.

Though i lost achi physically, i still got a friend who can actually relate with me and i can so be open with her without inhibitions because according to our psych test, we can actually relate with each other and very yes kay pareha man mi mga buang.hehehe..And talking about mga buang..Kami man siguro mga buang tanan.

let me tell you abot everything and nothing, im hungry but i cant go downstairs for mcdo because tha5t means wasting for money this time .Im just gonna wait for home. I still hjave to make filipino by the way as in monologue and me as a witness and we are going to have a test in lit on wednesday and tomorrow i have to look for my engloigh teacher first thing in the morning because i have to pass some stuff from my klasmeyt kay responsible president man daw ko..Yah ryt..I have to be on duty sa guidance 3 hours a week and i have to find 10 CAS pips to take some tests sa guidance and i still dont have 1.duhh, busy kuno ang mag pipol and our skid never fits.hehehe...busy daw..Entrams are really on the way and im so excited to dance like a corpse bride sa tc and wear our fairy hedress and ballet with heels shoes....naa diay?unsa man diay nang uso kron.heheheh.hehehehe.AND oh by the way this coming thursday is our CAS assembly so that means we will be excuse from wearing our superduper hot uniform and we are all wearing blue!hehe...this is my chance to look for people para dad on sa guidance. heheheh....watch out for me CAS!

I have to end this na cuz im so gutom forever... Pls. appreciate my fellow cebuanos the PASAKANIN nad THE AMBASSADORSkay magbbasul mo kung dili mo maminaw sa ila. Duh, pang worldwide na ang cebu music industry karon..kanang pasakanin,bai, kai tagaanu school gyud na...And pls..if you can put this in your very full organizer, pls. do watch SIlangan by San Carlos Theater Guild...Appreciate your own doh...naa andg pasakanin bai..mauy ingon nila dili lang ko sure.Inya kung mag sosci mo watch out for big bird kay basin mutugpa na xa sa inyung ulo nya mu walk out sa klase and declare "pass a 5 pages essay about culture and postmodernism"...duhhh..ni wala man gani xa naagdiscuuss..Thank God balik na amu orig ticher..ANd oh if mag P.E. mo watch out for barney, the dino. I she will wear purple, barney xa, kung red,pooh xa sa teletubbies bai bah, kung yellow spongebob siya pero walay kalupig sa spongebob ni kalai na rugged au....Sorry pipzzz....nana ko excuse...gutom na au...baibai for now....

Fantasy of love

How does it feel realizing that you love him already but he fall out of love?
How does it feel knowing that he will never be yours?
how does it feel hoping that someday he will notice you again?
how does it feel loving someone that is not for real?
It is so hard to believe in make-believe
Fantasies of people who believe in magic and love
And loving him knowing that he is not for real.
Yet, keep hoping that his eyes will turn to you and offer a beautiful smile.
You can never say "i love you" nor "i care about you,too."
You can never go to malls or strolling in the park holding hands tightly assuring his love for you was real.
he can never kiss your lips and hands while making promises of love.

It used to be so good, so cool, so nice, so in love...
He can kiss your lips and touch your hands withso mauch care and love.
he xalls you and texted you anytime of the day, he never forgets to say "goodnight" and "i love you" when are you going to answer me back?
But just one day he just go away without telling you he has to leave you.
And it is not then you realized that everything was a game of falling in love that he fades away.
You searched for him in every corner, in every man you see, in every place yu go..
But he never came baxk to you.
And then you found out that everything was a lie, a fantasy of falling in love...
One day, you finally saw him but he washolding another girl's hands looking at herthe way he never looks at you.
He was saying "i love you" the way he never does to you.
He smiled at her with his so much loving smile.
And then you saw the girl... it was the same girl who once asked you "can you be my friend?"
Painful as it is,you can never stop your heart from loving him.
Never stop hoping he will come back to that place in the park.
but, he can never be yours knowing he loves someone else...
How does it feel knowing that hewas never been yuours from the start?
How does it feel loving him and keeps on loving him?
against all odds,yuo were just a reflection of the girl he truly loves....
You learned to stare at them from afar wishing that you were the girl he was kissing...
you will always be the wilting petals of the bed of roses.....

COLLEGE FRESHIES!!!!!!!!

Im in college now, yo! Psychology daw course ko.... I kind of like it. Usc main daw...... Misss ko na sina Achi, nadine, sara....my friends for life.....We spent our first day with the orientation followed by the fellowship nyt which was by the way kind of boring . it was like a variety show of the higher levels.... BORING!But anywayzzzz, my college life i think will be just a college CIC. You know y? Because i will never get rid of the spirit of the ciceans and its making me crazy, yo!the truth is psychology is not the career i want for my future but i dont want to take up nursing so i went to the 2nd closest course i like.... My first is really biology because i wanted to become a doctor..... u no parents stufff not to mention a bunch of family memberrs trying to annoy me with their never ending sermons about ending up being a teacher which by the way they know that i hate teaching so i think they're using it against me to control my freaking mind.....Im still in the environment of my previous school......And by the way, im crazy about the series LOST, especially josh holloway and BOOM(stay away from my sister!.......She's smart and special in so many ways!!!!!!)..... i like the story and the plott, etcetera.......

Heeeeyahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I missed my blog... i've been to cagayan for 1 month and its pretty boring just staying at my brother's house watch tv and all that jazzzz...thank god my pamangkins who happened to be the same age as i rescued me from complete boredome.(pls...bear with my grammar....) i had a great time going out with them.. And they finally convinced me to read tagalog pocketbooks and well its fun reading those corny love stories made by filipino authors. And guess wattt????i've gained 7 lbs. since i came here. Ohhhhh!!!!I it...ohhh i forgot to tell you about my last days in high school,,welll you bettter watch out for it cuzz its reaally fun reminiscing the old good days....I've watched JENNIFER-LOVE-HEWITT new movie and it just made me cry, If only is not just another love story but it can also be another "the notebook, a walk to remember" movie... And the scene with ian and samantha under the rain is woth waiting for and the surprise made by ian in the opera stuff really made me sooo kilig.... The movie's soundtrack which samantha sung during the opera tingy is reallly a very beautiful song....Let me share a few phrase from the chorus of Love will show you everything:

I love you, you love me
Take this gift and dont ask why
and if you will leave me
I'll take what scares you and hold it deep inside.........................Love will show you everything................................


And the scene of ian and samantha under the rain is worth waiting for. I hope this movie will help make people do the things that will make that special someone feels that she/he feels being loved...... Because what if tomorrow when you wake they wont be there anymore and it would be very late to change your fate's decision........... Love him/her and love yourself.......goodluck!!!!!!!!